Chakra Khan
Our Hero (out loud): My flesh controls my chakra. Can I get an amen? My flesh controls my chakra. Can I get an amen?
you can't get there from here
Our Hero was wondering if Audubon Avenue in Jersey City, NJ was the same Audubon Avenue in New York City, NY.
Jersey City is point 'A' and New York is point 'B'. Also, they run perpendicular to each other. The one in Jersey City runs East-West, the one in New York runs North-South:
View Larger Map
Jersey City is point 'A' and New York is point 'B'. Also, they run perpendicular to each other. The one in Jersey City runs East-West, the one in New York runs North-South:
View Larger Map
safety first
After explaining to Our Hero on why we have to wear fluorescent vests when out in the region offices, he responded, "Got it. It's 'uniformal'".
iron man
When discussing with some co-workers about who likes and dislikes meatloaf, Our Hero ran around to the other side of the cubicle and said: 'My stomach is titanium thick.'
How thick is titanium anyway?
How thick is titanium anyway?
far away and yet not so far
So Our Hero has been moved to another cubicle area in our department. Unfortunately, this means that I cannot hear what he says to anyone. Fortunately, I have co-workers that can and who report his mastery of the English language to me.
Here are two from the past week:
"That a negative perception of misunderstanding someone."
"Misaccurately portrayed."
What's really embarrassing is that my co-worker and I knew 'misaccurately' was wrong, but we couldn't think of 'inaccurate' as the correct word.
Whoops....
Here are two from the past week:
"That a negative perception of misunderstanding someone."
"Misaccurately portrayed."
What's really embarrassing is that my co-worker and I knew 'misaccurately' was wrong, but we couldn't think of 'inaccurate' as the correct word.
Whoops....
local service is soooo routine
I was out of work today but a faithful co-worker sent me a text message stating that Our Hero is now referring to our local bus service as a 'routine bus'.
Oh, the agony.
Oh, the agony.
drunk with words
Our Hero described someone who had a stroke and is nonverbal as someone 'who is that inebriated to be unable to speak'.
---v.
---v.
it's friendly mail
Supervisor (to Our Hero): You can open any mail addressed to me unless it says 'private' on it.
Our Hero: I got you. It's personable. I got you.
Our Hero: I got you. It's personable. I got you.
guest speaker
So a co-worker who is not our hero said this to Our Hero:
co-worker: I'm doing that tomorrow like it was yesterday.
me: Ummm...what now?
co-worker: Like it was yesterday means really quickly. You know urgently.
me: Yeah, I know what it means. But the way you said it, it means you're gonna do it today. Tomorrow's yesterday is today. So why not just do it today?
co-worker: Cause I just don't have time today. So I'll do it tomorrow like it was yesterday.
co-worker: I'm doing that tomorrow like it was yesterday.
me: Ummm...what now?
co-worker: Like it was yesterday means really quickly. You know urgently.
me: Yeah, I know what it means. But the way you said it, it means you're gonna do it today. Tomorrow's yesterday is today. So why not just do it today?
co-worker: Cause I just don't have time today. So I'll do it tomorrow like it was yesterday.
been out for the week
Sorry about not having any updates this week; Our Hero has been out sick. Or something. We're not really sure.
Anyway, hopefully there will be more updates soon.
Anyway, hopefully there will be more updates soon.
baby bench presses
Our hero was talking with a co-worker about the co-worker beginning to work out at a gym:
Co-worker: I wanna change up my workout.
Our Hero: Naw, man. You're still infantile with it. Next week.
Co-worker: I wanna change up my workout.
Our Hero: Naw, man. You're still infantile with it. Next week.
he knows word kung fu
Our Hero's response to a co-worker's comment about a conspiracy theory:
Ignorance is bliss. Morpheus said it best.
Did he even say anything like this in any of the Matrix movies?!
Ignorance is bliss. Morpheus said it best.
Did he even say anything like this in any of the Matrix movies?!
we're all over now
Two co-workers were discussing a sick daughter. When they finished, Our Hero responded, "She's in my prayers. I heard you oversaying it to [co-worker's name]."
Needless to say, we were overdumbfounded.
Needless to say, we were overdumbfounded.
it's an alternative thing
New variation on an old favorite:
He asked a customer on the phone if he/she wanted our 'alternative information' in an 'alternate format'.
He asked a customer on the phone if he/she wanted our 'alternative information' in an 'alternate format'.
it's a capricorn thing
So, Our Hero (OH) had the following conversation with another Co-Worker (CW):
CW: So when I go to the gym....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
CW: So when I go to the gym....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
CW: Oh no....
OH: I know....
the words, so far....
So, here are some of the things that my co-worker has said to other co-workers, on the phone to customers, and/or entered in customer's permanent files.
Up to today, here is what he has said:
Up to today, here is what he has said:
- I can only overstand what you are saying. I don't understand, I can only overstand.
- The first step is what you enacted here today.
- Would you like that in large print or audio tape, or would you like that in our traditional format? (Meaning regular-sized, 12pt font.)
- An "unpivotable' moment.
- Referred to our information packs as "quick merandum" (sic).
- I educated the agency about the cancellation. (Entered into a customer's file.)
- When informing a customer about the fare for a ride to an interview, he called it a "$2.00 service charge. Both ways for a $4.00 total service charge."
- As he was talking about an upcoming football game, he referred to some friends of his who liked either team as "parliament."