far away and yet not so far

So Our Hero has been moved to another cubicle area in our department. Unfortunately, this means that I cannot hear what he says to anyone. Fortunately, I have co-workers that can and who report his mastery of the English language to me.

Here are two from the past week:

"That a negative perception of misunderstanding someone."

"Misaccurately portrayed."

What's really embarrassing is that my co-worker and I knew 'misaccurately' was wrong, but we couldn't think of 'inaccurate' as the correct word.

Whoops....

local service is soooo routine

I was out of work today but a faithful co-worker sent me a text message stating that Our Hero is now referring to our local bus service as a 'routine bus'.

Oh, the agony.

drunk with words

Our Hero described someone who had a stroke and is nonverbal as someone 'who is that inebriated to be unable to speak'.
---v.

it's friendly mail

Supervisor (to Our Hero): You can open any mail addressed to me unless it says 'private' on it.

Our Hero: I got you. It's personable. I got you.

guest speaker

So a co-worker who is not our hero said this to Our Hero:

co-worker: I'm doing that tomorrow like it was yesterday.

me: Ummm...what now?

co-worker: Like it was yesterday means really quickly. You know urgently.

me: Yeah, I know what it means. But the way you said it, it means you're gonna do it today. Tomorrow's yesterday is today. So why not just do it today?

co-worker: Cause I just don't have time today. So I'll do it tomorrow like it was yesterday.

been out for the week

Sorry about not having any updates this week; Our Hero has been out sick. Or something. We're not really sure.

Anyway, hopefully there will be more updates soon.

baby bench presses

Our hero was talking with a co-worker about the co-worker beginning to work out at a gym:

Co-worker: I wanna change up my workout.
Our Hero: Naw, man. You're still infantile with it. Next week.