it's friendly mail

Supervisor (to Our Hero): You can open any mail addressed to me unless it says 'private' on it.

Our Hero: I got you. It's personable. I got you.

guest speaker

So a co-worker who is not our hero said this to Our Hero:

co-worker: I'm doing that tomorrow like it was yesterday.

me: Ummm...what now?

co-worker: Like it was yesterday means really quickly. You know urgently.

me: Yeah, I know what it means. But the way you said it, it means you're gonna do it today. Tomorrow's yesterday is today. So why not just do it today?

co-worker: Cause I just don't have time today. So I'll do it tomorrow like it was yesterday.

been out for the week

Sorry about not having any updates this week; Our Hero has been out sick. Or something. We're not really sure.

Anyway, hopefully there will be more updates soon.

baby bench presses

Our hero was talking with a co-worker about the co-worker beginning to work out at a gym:

Co-worker: I wanna change up my workout.
Our Hero: Naw, man. You're still infantile with it. Next week.

he knows word kung fu

Our Hero's response to a co-worker's comment about a conspiracy theory:

Ignorance is bliss. Morpheus said it best.

Did he even say anything like this in any of the Matrix movies?!

we're all over now

Two co-workers were discussing a sick daughter. When they finished, Our Hero responded, "She's in my prayers. I heard you oversaying it to [co-worker's name]."

Needless to say, we were overdumbfounded.

it's an alternative thing

New variation on an old favorite:
He asked a customer on the phone if he/she wanted our 'alternative information' in an 'alternate format'.